Why God made me different, Sister Umm Ahmed 

Salaam brothers and sisters,

I have a lengthy story posted somewhere, but since it is long and drama filled, I wanted to shorten it. So heres my story:

All my life I have felt as if I was different than everyone around me. Like I belonged in a different place, a different time, on a different path.  I don't know where this came from.  It was something I was born with, something innate. In childhood I was able to ignore it, but as I grew older the feeling only got stronger. The teenage years can be a tough time, especially if you don't fit in. I dont believe there is a time in a person's life when the pressure to conform is greater. During this time I felt isolated and alone. I distanced myself from everyone and fell into a deep depression. Not just the blues, it was bad. I was hospitalized several times for suicide attempts during the three years I spent in a fog.

Growing up my family wasn't too religious. Officially we were Catholic, but never went to church. During the time I was depressed I made an effort to find God. I believed he was my only hope. My dad was more than happy to take me to Church with him every sunday. We went for about a month and although it wasnt a bad experience, it didn't give me what I was looking for. I didn't feel any closer to God, and I was confused by the Catholic doctrine. Confounded, and still in the grips of depression, I decided that either God must hate me or the there is no God at all. And sadly, I started believing the latter after a while.

Alhamdolillah, I pulled out of my depression junior year of HS. I finally made some friends, and was doing very well in school. In the back of my mind I still had the feeling of being different, but I suppressed it. I didnt want to deal with it anymore. And as for God? I could have cared less. Ignorance was bliss I guess. After graduating HS I did what most Americans in my position did and went to college. Not because I wanted to, but because I was expected to.  I don't think I had a particularly bad time the first year, I was just extremely bored with the whole thing.  I thought "there has to be more to life than this." As always, I had trouble making freinds and connecting with people. So most of the time was spent alone in my dorm room. I felt out of place. I didnt smoke, drink, or act badly. Guys were interested in me, but I just didnt care.  I never had a boyfriend.

My path to change started in the summer of 2004, when I met my now-husband, through a mutual friend of ours. We spent over a month talking on the phone before deciding to meet and get married. Sounds weird to get married to someone you hardly know, but it seemed natural for the both of us.  I will spare you the rest of our cutsey love story. (On a side note: At that time I had started believing in God again. I guess I had gotten over my ignorance) Anyway, while with my husband, a Muslim from Iraq, I noticed the immense peace that devotion to Allah had given him. Being someone with a very open mind, I wanted to learn more. I asked him a million questions, which he was more than happy to answer. But since he wanted to make sure I was getting the exact information, he encouraged me to do some reading, which I did. 

After reading the first article on Islam, I was blown away. It was as if I was hit by a train. Here was something so pure and simple yet so deeply profound.  It was logical, and made sense. It was perfect in everyway. It fit my pre-concieved notion of what a religion should be. From that moment on, I read non-stop, day and night. After a month or so I told my husband I wanted to convert. And on November 15th, 2004, I said the Shahada and was Muslim.

Looking back, I knew why I was different from those around me. It was because I was meant for something different, something greater. Allah made me different for a reason.  Everyday I thank Him for this. And as a Muslim, I dont feel lost and alone anymore. I finally feel as though I belong.

Writing this has actually made me weepy with love for my creator, Allah.

ALLAHU AKBAR ALLAHU AKBAR ALLAHU AKBAR!!