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How I became
a Muslim
by Sister Diana Beatty
In the Name of Allah, most
Compassionate, most Merciful
I was raised in a moderately Christian home in
Colorado. Religion was never much of an issue in my house.
My father was raised as a Mormon, my mother as a
Protestant. I can remember my parents dropping my brother
off at Sunday School, but instead of going to church while
we were in religious classes, they would go home. As I
grew to adolescence, I became curious about God, wondering
whether He really existed and if so, what He wanted from
us humans. I studied the Bible and other Christian
literature earnestly. As a high school student, I was
mature enough as a reader to notice apparent discrepancies
in the Bible, particularly about the nature of Jesus
(peace be upon him). In some places, the Bible seemed to
indicate that Jesus was the Son of God, and in others, a
man. At that time, however, I did not believe that there
was any problem with the Bible, I thought the problem was
one of me being of limited capability to understand what I
was reading. You see, as Christians we are taught that
religion is somewhat mystical; religion does not have to
make sense or be logical or stand up to reason because God
can do things however He wants. So, when things don't make
sense, it is because we as humans are incapable of
comprehending God's truth, and thus we must just accept on
faith that which we cannot understand. Even so, I was
unhappy with the way most Christians practiced their
religion because it seemed like a mere pasttime to me. I
learned about a sect of Christianity called the Church of
God through their literature, and I liked very much some
of the things they did. For instance, they abstain from
eating pork because they are told to in the Bible, and
they do not celebrate Christmas because it is not
mentioned in the Bible. When I came to college at Colorado
State University, I met a girl who attended this church
and I went with her once, but I quickly became
disinterested in the group. The leaders of the church had
recently divided and all its followers were arguing over
which leaders to follow and I did not want to get involved
in anything like that. So, I was back to being just a
generic Christian again. I was involved in Bible Studies
via Campus Crusade for Christ in my dormitory. At the
studies, I was on a personal quest to figure out what the
Bible was really saying, although at the time I didn't see
that so clearly.
Also at that time, I met a muslim man, the first muslim
I had ever met. I have always been attracted to people
from different cultures, and we soon became good friends.
Slowly, I became curious about Islam. I wondered,
"Why does he pray a certain way?" I wanted to
know why he believed what he believed and why he did what
he did. Christians do not pray in any particular way. As a
Christian, I learned just to ask God for whatever I needed
or wanted, and to do it in the name of Jesus (peace be
upon him). The concept of actual worship in prayer instead
of just asking for your wants and needs is largely lacking
in Christian prayer, although we are taught to thank Jesus
(peace be upon him) for dying for our sins. I wanted my
relationship with God to be more than just asking for
things. So, in this state of curiousity and of searching,
I started to read Pickthall's translation of Qu'ran. When
I first started to read it, I had a mixed reaction. On the
one hand I was amazed that many of the same histories of
the prophets of Christianity and Judaism were in Qu'ran. I
never before realized that there was a relationship
between Christianity, Judaism, and Islam; I had always
thought of Islam as an Eastern religion, like Hinduism or
Buddhism. On the other hand, whenever I read verses about
Jesus (peace be upon him) which clearly stated that he was
not one of three, or the Son of God, I felt compelled to
just shut the book. This went against everything I had
ever heard, and yet everything else in the Qu'ran went
along so well with everything I had learned. I began to
question why I believed everything I had been taught about
Christianity.
I asked the leader of my Bible study and the other
members of that group to explain to me what verses in the
Bible tell us that Jesus (peace be upon him) was God in
the flesh come to save us from our sins, and that all we
had to do to be saved was to believe that Jesus (peace be
upon him) was the Son of God. They all had answers, but
for every answer they gave, I found a verse in the Bible
which said the opposite. They told me we have to take it
on faith, but I was now thinking that if God would give us
a religion, it would be a logical religion that we could
understand, so that we could do what He willed. The leader
of my Bible study had done missionary work to Muslims in
Algeria, and I decided to talk to him because I thought he
would know about Islam and could tell me what was wrong
with it and right with Christianity. First, I asked him
what would happen to my Muslim friend, and he sighed and
told me that he would undoubtedly go to hell unless he
"accepted Jesus [peace be upon him] into his heart,
but Muslims rarely do that." I had trouble accepting
this, because my Muslim friend seemed so much more pious
and sincere in devotion to God than most Christians are,
and I couldn't understand why someone like that would go
to hell. Then, I asked him how the Qu'ran could be so
similar to the Bible and yet be totally rejected by
Christians? He told me that the Qu'ran was sent by Satan
to trick and deceive men into unbelief, and that its
similarities to the Bible were part of the deception. I
was almost crying at this point, but then I asked him if
he had read the Qur'an, because I wanted to ask him about
some specific verses. I was shocked at his answer. He
answered that he had briefly looked at parts of it, but
couldn't continue because it made him sick to his stomach.
I left quickly, amazed at the realization that I, who had
been reading Qur'an for only a few months, had studied
more about Islam that my respected Bible study leader who
had missionary work to Muslims in Algeria! I realized that
he could not correctly make such a judgment as he had made
about the Qur'an if he had not even read it. I was so
angry at him and at all the Christian religious leaders
who told us all these things without study and without
explanation. It was nothing more than heresay, yet it was
being preached as divine doctrine. This was a turning
point for me, because at this point I concluded that I
couldn't trust anyone to help me in my search, but that I
had to do it within myself. Slowly, I found myself tearing
down the belief that Jesus (peace be upon him ) was one of
three or the Son of God. It was difficult, because always
in the back of my mind was the thought that if I am wrong,
I will go to hell. Yet, I could not deny that Mohamed
(peace be upon him and his family) had to be the prophet
of Allah, and that the Qur'an had to be the Word of Allah,
and if the Qur'an were the Word of Allah, then what was in
it had to be true. So, a few months after the talk with
the leader of my Bible study, I became muslim.
That was a little more than a year ago as of today
(2/14/96). Learning about Islam has not always been easy.
That muslim man whom I met is now my mut'ah husband
although we live in different states, and we hope for a
permanent marriage when we are done with college. He is
Shi'a, and so after several months I was to the point that
I needed to learn the difference between Sunni and Shi'a.
I started by reading web pages, and I found the Shi'a
Encyclopedia to be so helpful. I used to get so
frustrated, though, because I would learn something and
think that I knew it, and then someone who was Sunni would
tell me something that I had no answer for, and so I was
left wondering how I would ever find the truth when it
seemed to be entangled in contradicting traditions. Also,
I wanted to be sure not to become Shi'a just for the sake
of my mut'ah husband; I really needed to believe in its
truth. But the Shi'a Encyclopedia convinced me, as did
Tijani's books, by the Grace of Allah. Since then, I was
introduced to the Ahlul-Bayt Discussion Group which has
been very helpful. I have met some wonderful people who
have helped me greatly, and they should get a good reward
for all the help they have given me.
This semester, I started wearing hijab, and I am so
glad that I did. I feel much better about myself, I feel
more feminine and I think that God has helped me more than
ever before since I decided to wear it. My non-muslim
classmates and friends don't mind my hijab; some even like
it. My family, however, hates it. They have never
understood or accepted my conversion, and they try to tell
me that I converted only to please my husband and that I
don't really believe in it, even if I can't see that now.
They tell me I am going to hell. They tell me I am
abandoning my American culture and trying to be something
I'm not. They tell me I am turning away from them, and
that my wearing hijab is a slap in the face to them and is
very disrespectful. My mother cries about me, my father
doesn't like to talk to me. I know they are concerned for
their daughter and that they mean well; I love them and
only want to be kind to them and I hate to see them this
way. No matter what I say, they just don't understand me;
logic doesn't work because emotions are too strong. Still,
I think there is hope for our relationship, and I know
that my conversion to Shi'a Islam is the best thing that
ever could've happened to me. Despite the little troubles
I may have, I feel more complete as a person, more
directed, and more at peace than any Christian on this
earth could ever know. I wish more people on this earth
could experience the revelation that I have experienced.
Looking back, I can't see anymore how Islam could ever
have been so hard to understand or accept; it is so
obviously the truth to me now that it practically screams
it out. Alhumdooleluh.
Diana Beatty
masoomabeatty2@yahoo.com
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