American Shia convert becomes victim of Islamophobia

Westfield, North Carolina

By Shia News

September 11, 2001 changed the lives of thousands of people. This is the story of Kalil Malek Rafi Muhammad, a black American Shia convert who is a Vietnam veteran. Kalil lives in Westfield, North Carolina.

Recurrent injustice often leaves a deep scar on a person's soul. By publishing Kalil's story we hope that all of us would work towards the creation of a global society where people from all races and religions would have equal rights. We also hope that the American government puts an end to the current Islamophobia being fanned by its law enforcing agencies and media. InshaAllah.

Osama bin Laden and Mullah Omer ordered the Taliban to exterminate thousands of Shia Muslims in Afghanistan. Kalil, A Shia Muslims since 1993, has been accused of being a friend of Osama Bin Laden and also being invloved in the 9/11 attacks. Lets hear it from Kalil.


As salaamualaikum

My name is Kalil Malek Rafi Muhammad. I am a 50 year-old black American citizen. In 1993 I converted to Shia Islam from Salafi (Wahabi) after talking to a beloved brother from Iran, Imam Mahmoud Shahbandy who lives in West Virginia. It was the first time I heard the complete truth because the Salafis do not want Muslims to know the past when Islam started. They also told me that blacks can not be Imams (Imam at Mosque) in the Shia faith. This is one reason many blacks have converted to Salafi Islam in the United States of America.

Some people will tell us that we "perceive" that we're persecuted because of our color or religion. However, those people have never walked in our shoes or worn our Islamic attire around town. Kalil Malek Rafi Muhammad

Although I have been going through many injustices throughout my life and presently, I still love my country and remain loyal to her. I encouraged my own son, who joined the US Navy five years ago, to continue his service to the US military as well. Kalil Malek Rafi Muhammad

Sheikh Ahmed Amin al-Antaki 

Sheikh Ahmed al-Antaki’s birth and upbringing  

The full name of Sheikh al-Antaki is Ahmed son of Yousif son of Ali son of Qanbar al-Haza . Sheikh al-Antaki was born in a village called ‘Ensow’ on the outskirts of Antakia. The village of Ensow comprises of two words, one of the words being in Arabic and the other in Turkish, the literal meaning of Ensow means eye of water, this name was given to it due to its watery riches and resources.  

The Sheikh was born Sunni to a Shafeei sect, he underwent his first classes under the teaching of his father. Sheikh Antaki was born in the year 1893(1311 in the Islamic calendar). 

Sheikh Ahmed al-Antaki’s academic life  

-Sheikh Ahmed was brought up as a Shafeei and obtained his knowledge from his father at the beginning, he then went to study under the guidance of one of the Sheikhs in their village where he studied the basis of his education such as grammar, logic ,etc.

After, Sheikh Ahmed directed his way towards Antakia where he attended classes under the teachings of one of the Sheikhs in the area known as Shiekh Ahmed al-Taweel, furthermore Sheikh Ahmed al-Antaki and his brother attended additional classes which included studying under the teachings of Sheikh Saed al-Arfei.

After spending many years attaining his educational foundations, Sheikh Ahmed decided to travel to the ‘city of knowledge’- the Holy Azhar, to continue his strive for attaining knowledge and build upon his education. Upon deciding to travel to Azhar, his brother Sheikh Mohammed agreed to join him on the quest of gaining knowledge.

The Sheikh attended in al-Azhar many classes such as Islamic Theology, Arabic grammar, etc. Sheikh Ahmed received his Islamic theology teaching from the Theologian Mohammed Abu Taha and al-Sheikh Mohammed Bakhit. Both of whom were the teachers in Egypt in the past. Mohammed al-Samloot and Sheikh Hasanian were also teachers of Sheikh al-Antaki. 

In the same period of time, the Sheikh of the al-Azhar institute was the deceased Sheikh Mohammed Abu al-Fatheel. After completing his studies at al-Azhar, the Sheikh decided to return back to his homeland and spread the knowledge which he had obtained on his quest to al-Azhar to his friends and family. The sheikh returned to Antakia, however, the Sheikh did not prolong his stay there due to continuous occupation of the area by French forces.  

Sheikh al-Antaki’s journey to Hijaz: 

The sheikh was invited to a trip to Hijaz, the sheikh received knowledge that the city of Hijaz implements Islamic Sharia at the best of levels.

The sheikhs teaching were generally accepted and appreciated in Syria where he received an invitation from Abdul Aziz al-Saudi where he was given an opportunity to accept a position as Judge of Sharia, however what he observed on his trip from the Salafie’s and Wahabee’s disbelief towards other Muslims generally was the main reason for him not accepting the position as Islamic Judge (which was a position which couldn’t be rejected).  

Sheikh Ahmed al-Antaki resided in a city in Syria called Halab after the occupation of the evil Mustafa Atartork. The sheikh was appointed as representative in the area by Sheikh Saed Areif who was the head of the Islamic Council at the time.      

Sheikh al-Antaki’s conversion to Shia Ithna Ashari faith:  

Reason for the change 

The change from faith to faith or from sect to sect requires a balance between the two extremes. So whenever the facts become apparent of the faith or the sect, apparent to the logic that is, then a change is required. This is exactly what happened with sheikh Ahmed when he figured that the truth is with the Shia with a the reality of logic used between the two extremes: Shia-Sunni. 

It was because of reasons of doubtfulness that the Sheikh first realised about the Shafiee school of thought and the Sunni faith in general. The faith contained disagreements as well as contradictions which disregard the fundamental bases. The sheikh notes this in his book ‘The way I became Shia’ the following: 

“we realised that the Shafiee school of thought for example allows the marriage of a girl who is a prostitute to her father, the bases of this argument is that the water of a prostitute is not   haram, as the daughter is not linked to the father so its allowable for the father to marry her. Abu Hanifa forbids this.” ( The way I became Shia-page 16). 

A further reason of why the  Sheikh converted to Shia Ithna Ashari sect was because of his ability to obtain a book by the name of “Morajaat- The right path” by Sayed Abdul Hussain Sharf al-Deen al-Amili, he says about this: 

“ I took and browsed through the pages astonished at the literature I was reading, I was really happy with what I was reading, it made me think about this book and its contents from its discussions between Sayed Abdul Hussain Sharf al-Deen (may Allah bless his soul) and Sheikh Saleem al-Bashree. Sheikh Saleem al-Bashree was a scholar at al-Azhar institute, he was asking Sayed Abdul Hussain many questions which the Sayed was answering in the book…..” 

When the sheikh was initially given the book, he first rejected it, as it was known to him to be a bias Shia book. The sheikh says about this: 

“  my brother sheikh Moraeey must have come across it and said: take this book and read it you will be surprised about it, think about it. I replied to him: from which sect is he from? He replied to me that he is from Jaffari, so I said to him : take this book away from me as I am not interested in it, as I hate the Shia. He told me to read it and not to implement any of its words and he emphasised that reading it will not affect me. Prior to this incident a discussion arose between us in the village of ‘al-Faewa’  and this is the incident took place in a area called ‘adalab’  ‘’ (about his book-page 17). 

Another reason which had an impact on his conversion ot the Shia school of thought was to due to reading the book entitled  “Abu Horayra”  whose author is also Sayed Abdul Hussain Sharf  al-Deen al-Amili, where he found out that many hadiths were made up as they did not obey logic neither did it comply with the Quran or the teaching of the Prophet (PBUH). An example is that Prophet Muse (PBUH) slapped the face of the angel of death Izrael and so He opened his eyes. Or for example Musa (PBUH) was walking naked between the children of Israel (bani Israel), or that Allah (SWT) created Adam (PBUH) like his picture?! And many more alike. The author of the book has written it in such a way which allows the reader to realise that “Abu Horayra” who befriended the Prophet (PBUH) for three years or less, was the companion of the Prophet who spread his teachings to the greatest. However the proportion of what the four khailafs saw in comparison to what Abu Horayra saw was only 27% from his traditions!!!. 

The availability of strong facts which were not created and which are accepted by both Shia and sunna 

- there exists many traditions in regards to household of the Prophet (PBUH), however one tradition which especially caught the Sheikhs attention was about the ark which the Prophet (PBUH) says: “My Household to you is like Noah’s ark, whosoever got on the ark survived, and who neglected the ark drowned” (‘Mostadreek Al Hokom- The book of Laws’ chapter 2, page 342  and Ibin Hijir ‘Sawaiqa’ page 153’)   

Also the tradition of the “Thaqalaayn’ where the Prophet (PBUH) says “ I have leave for you two weighty things, the Holy Book of Allah and My household, whosoever keeps with them will never go astray. The two weighty things will not separate until they return to the pond in paradise, so observe how you will do contrary to what I have stated”( tradition contained in Sahih Muslim ch.2 page 238 also contained in Ahmed Ibin Hanbal ch.3 page 17 and Sahih Tarmadi ch.2 page 308).  

The Holy Prophet (PBUH) has compared his household to (who comprise of Ali, Fatemah , Hasan, Hussain and the nine infallibles sons of Hussain) to Noah’s ark as the survival is only guaranteed with them as the ark was the only means of survival to the people at the time.  

The Holy Prophet (PBUH) also compared his household to the Holy Quran which is the strongest proof that his Household are the most knowledge of people in the contents of the Holy Quran, and that they are all infallible.   

For more guidance we highly recommend you to read the book ‘Morajaat- The right Path’ whose author is Sayed Abdul Hussain Sharf al-Deen al-Amili who has noted the most important references against the sunna’s  and the truth of the household of the Holy Prophet(PBUH).  

These are some of the reasons why Sheikh Ahmed al-Antaki converted to the Shia Inthna Ashari school of thought. 

The above was a short piece of literature belonging to a humble individual who was guided to the correct path. Sheikh Ahmed al-Antaki has a book called “the way I became Shia” where he outlines the exact procedure of how he converted. Sheikh Mohammed Moraeey al-Antaki also has a book called “why I chose the Shia school of thought” both books are available at all good Islamic bookstores. 

Tania Pauling 

Birth and Upbringing

Sister Tania Pauling was born in 1976 in Germany. Her country of birth is recognised as a very developed country of great importance in Europe and the World, whose population is approximately sixty-five million of whom three million are Muslims. These Muslims are mainly of German, Turkish, Iranian and Arabic origin and the majority of them reside in Munich, Hamburg, Frankfurt and Hanover.  Thus Sister Tania was brought up in a Christian family that has traditions that every Western family follows. 

Life of the person in the West

The one who is most fit to speak upon a society is the one who is brought up in the society, and Sister Tania talks upon her society from a conceptual point of view:

‘ I do not exaggerate  when I say  that none of us were alive. We did not plan with foresight our future. In fact, none of us had the courage to ask ours

Selves: Why I’m I alive? Why was I born? From where did I come? And to where do I go?

We knew that we were all on a path that was leading us astray taking us nowhere. We all wanted to go about a life of commonalty, living like the others, and did not think of a tranquil life and abode as if we were lost’.

These are clear statements that this woman is advocating on how a person is lost through fabricated slogans of development and freedom.

She adds: ‘Over 60% of teenagers live in a state of loneliness despite friendships and family relations whom only a few experience, and most of the people live their lives alone in a room or a flat isolated from others’.

And so in her eyes this is the loss of the people regardless of how nice the cities look, the reason being the sense of purposelessness and spiritual emptiness and the concentration of people to just satisfy their temptations and desires. 

The beginning

Sister Tania remembers how she was introduced to Islam and says: ‘It starts like this- I was out with my friends one day in Hamburg’s Market and I saw this Muslim girl wearing the veil. I tried to mock her because she was wearing the veil and so I said: What illness has caused you to cover your body like this? The Muslim girl responded:  And what illness has caused you to expose your body in such a manner?

And so the Muslim girl discussed with me the fact that modesty, shyness in dress and chastity add to a woman’s honour and personal satisfaction’. These words stuck into Tania’s head, she was amazed at how this Muslim girl had such confidence and cared so much about her religion, so she began to come closer and closer to Islam. 

The Change

Sister Tania says: ‘I went to Imam Ali (A.S) Mosque in Hamburg, so I debated and discussed religious issues with a group of brothers and sisters who were of different origins. A period of time passed when the intellect and rationale of Islam was coming through to me in such a beautiful way. My body and spirit were submitting and following Islamic thought and principles until I reached a stage where I felt I was a Muslim’. 

Sister Pauling gives details of the reasons why she converted to Islam and decided to follow the teachings of Ahlul Bayt (AS):

1. The special relationship that Muslims have with God: they are in constant communication with Him.

2. The strong ties and unity between Muslims and their strong family links.

3. The clear purpose in the lives of Muslims.

4. Muslims practise their religion without isolating themselves from society. They are social people because their religion takes care of social issues in a thorough way.

The Result

Sister Tania talks upon the most important results that she attained and says: ‘

I had everything except God! And so I used to feel empty, lonely and lost. I was in despair. However today I have found my true self that I had lost for twenty years, and I have come to know my God. So I now have all that I want because of Islam’. 

Thus this is the meaning of true freedom. Islam gives to a person a most beautiful spirituality and purpose in this life and the hereafter. Moreover, one can see the light of this religion emitted from personalities such as the Messenger of Allah and his Holy Progeny who always made noble stands and sacrifices so that humanity may be guided into the right path. 

The Future

Sister Tania says: ‘I ask God that He may guide my father and mother into Islam’ and wishes that she may have a good Muslim family of her own.

In Search of God… 

My Story… 

Sister Melanie Czekaj 


We are all born with a free spirit (God given free will over mankind). And with the free spirited attitude that I have, I chose to go about my conversion to the path of I in an unusual way. I chose not to let my struggles with the non-Muslim community, in which I live, affect me. This is because of my confidence in the tradition that the Prophet Mohammad advises us: If one does what the creator loves, than the creation will love it, although they disliked it; however, if one gives into the creation and what they love, while the creator disliked it, eventually the creation would dislike it.


And the creator, the one, unique God loves it when a human being chooses to devote himself to the orders or commands specifically designed for his own nature for the betterment of his individual enlightenment to eventually reach unto the betterment of humanity in general. This is Islam, to acknowledge our lowliness compared to God and the beauty of his merciful gifts, to accept them by surrendering ourselves. 

That became my goal in this life, after I have lived in that western life of over-rated individuality, where each person seeks in their life to become their own, unique individual. I sought to find out who I was in life. I bent over backwards trying to do this, experimented things, living in the fantasy world, wanting to satisfy or fill that magnetically God attracted hole inside of my heart (but not knowing that it was God that I was searching for, in order to really know my true individuality.)

Ever since I was a young girl I analyzed the happenings of my experiences in life. Learning to love others, to feel the pain of hurt feelings, to watch people with less fortune than myself, with physical illnesses, or even the disease of having everything and still not being happy, I turned to God. I would watch in his sky, the stars at night, and really contemplate the question of “Why.” 

Although I was raised Christian, skipping school, running into my church trying to heal the uncertainty that I started to feel, after I heard of the truth of I from some friends, I would pray to God, “Oh the friend of mine that I knew all of my life, the creator of those stars, that I would watch, please show me the truth.” Because I knew that if you seek the Lord he would reveal himself to you.

“La ilaha ill Allah” (there is no deity to be worshiped, but the unified God) was the truth, that I have found, God sent to me to conclude with. Under this heavy phrase lies, the faith and actions that come hand to hand in the religion of Islam for the happiest life, the completion of my spirituality that could never be fully filled from the similar respected religion of Christianity or any other due to their lack of really knowing God’s unity, the core of understanding the prophets though out mankind teaching us the origins of the true human individuality, and answers to all of those questions that lead people to depression and dissatisfaction that give reason and meaning to virtues and the value of any struggle or difference one may have and really striving for justice.

I sincerely, from the bottom of my heart have never felt like I was really myself, my own individual. I am truly happy, a joy that comes from inside. It may not be understandable to the outside, seeing eye. I even cover myself with hijab, so how could that be. Me? Melanie Czekaj? An individual? She doesn’t have any style now, only the piece of cloth on herself. I hear people say when I go here and there, “life is short, live it up”. But this phrase is lack of faith to me.

The faithful eye, the one who could see beyond this world, would not take this constantly changing world that the human being can not keep up with and leave it. Due to his faith in the afterlife (the eternity compared to this short life.)

I would not have ever known or valued true faith without God’s guidance, and I would have never known the true I or “la ilaha ill Allah” with out the guidance of the Ahlul Bayt (the prophet and his household.) I was a witness to this in February, 2003.

Reality: Returning Back to the Truth 


Caught between a world of enjoyment and acceptance and a world of truth and reality, I found myself booking a flight to Italy. I had to get away from it all. I was a bar tender in a popular Italian cafe and spent my weekends singing shows with my band. On the outside I was your typical Italian girl, just trying to have a good time, but on the inside, I was dying. I couldn’t live this life any longer. I couldn’t just serve drinks all day and sing all night, and then come home and try to do five prayers all at once with the right state of mind. And people had begun to notice the change. I no longer wore my hair down and my usual dramatic makeup had faded significantly. Some people thought I was depressed, others just pointed at that Muslim guy, Mohammed whom I’d been seeing. But my mother was the most disturbed of all. Why don’t you sing like you used to she’d ask. I’d tell her, I don’t know mom, it just doesn’t feel the same as it used to. I feel differently now. 

She’d ask me what was on my mind, but no matter what I told her, she had already made up her mind that my boyfriend had been forcing me out of this business. In all honesty though, I had become sick of being on display, for all their enjoyment. Do they really know who I am? Why are they cheering so fervently and calling out my name? They have no idea what is in my heart right now or what I like or don’t like, so why are they talking so highly of me in the streets? It’s all so fake. I’m just an attraction, which will be replaced with a better attraction one day, and this exhilarating feeling will turn into emptiness and dejectedness instead. I kept on thinking, is this really what we’re here for? Is there more to life that the Creator wants us to experience? In which direction should I allow my life to be pulled so strongly? Something transient like a record contract that could fling my life full speed into the opposite direction that my heart has curiously been pulling me? Or should I listen to this nagging feeling that there is much more than this. I knew it. I knew what I had to do, but it was so difficult from where I was standing. I knew I could not break free and do what was right for me because of my family, who was highly critical of this religion, and heavily pressuring me into signing with the record label; my job which was family owned, and hard to get out of; my band, which played regularly and made money. All these commitments that were locking me down, but I was really somewhere else entirely and they were in no way ready to accept it. 

I could no longer handle the pressure from my mother to wear more makeup, put on more revealing clothes, do my hair nice like I used to, nor could I take the mocking that came if I attempted to explain the concept of humbleness or modesty. I couldn’t take the pressure anymore. After being told enough times by so many people, “you’re just doing it for him or you’re just in love and that’s why you can’t see that he’s brainwashing you!” I began to wonder, What if I AM doing this for the wrong reasons and I just can’t see it? What if I wake up one day down the road and realize that they were all right!? I had to leave. I had to get away from all of the influence and find out for myself. I didn’t want to be pulled in any direction except my own. I would be free to listen to my heart and let God lead the way to what is good and true and pure. So I left. 

The moment I was up in the air, an exhilarating feeling of freedom came over me. I was free to think, reflect, search. The fear of God was instantly felt as I gazed down at the world which symbolically looked so small and insignificant as I moved further and further away from it. Leaving my world behind, even if only for a summer, I think, was the most important think I’d ever done for my spirit. As I flew over the great Atlantic, I made a promise to never miss one prayer, no matter how difficult the situation. I felt an instant closeness to God; something I hadn’t felt so intensely since I first converted. 

When I arrived in Italy, I knew very little of the language and was unable at first to communicate almost anything. This may have been a blessing in disguise because it caused me to stop and listen for a while. I was humbled and I had no one but God to talk to. About a week in, I had a dream that made me feel like He was with me every step of this journey because He knew that I walked upon it in order to seek nearness to Him. Travelling through cities, I didn’t know how to find the Qibla (the direction towards which we pray) so I just put my rug in any direction that fit the room I stayed in. The dream endured only 3 seconds: I grabbed my prayer rug, adjusted it to the right, and woke up. So, I copied what I saw in my dream, because, who knows, right? SubhanAllah, I later found out with the help of a map, that my dream directed me perfectly southeast to Mecca. 

By the second week, after much prayer, contemplation and supplication, I had already started to see things in a new light. I envisioned the world in its entire greatness, and my small existence in my city and it dawned on me that I was making this tiny insignificant thing out to be much greater than it was. Why did I fear those situations and people around me more than I feared Allah? I suddenly had this feeling of empowerment and my heart began to reach out in search of direction. I desired it so fervently and I knew that nothing could change my mind once I reached it. It came to me all at once one night while I was reading my English Quran. I felt as if Allah had spoken to my heart in such a gentle and unique way and I had never been so sure of anything else in my life. I could already picture the reactions of various family members, and of the Italian community to which I somewhat belonged. People had already been talking about me in worried tones behind my back. And now, in a matter of moments, I had made a firm decision that would soon throw my so-called secure world of 18 years upside down. Not only was I ready to go public about being Muslim, I intended to step off my plane proudly wearing the hijab. 

It is worth mentioning that my mother had given me the time off work and sent me off with high hopes that Italy would make me ‘see the light’ and leave all this religious play behind. There was no doubt in her mind that the atmosphere, which can be conducive to Islamic spiritual decay if you let it, would most definitely sway me from my plans to be with Mohammed and live an Islamic life of modesty - a life devoid of the parties and entertainment that I would soon be exposed to on vacation. She thought it would be impossible to resist and even dropped hints to her cousins to really show me a good time. She even went as far as promising me that if I spend two and a half months with her family, and return still wanting to be a Muslim, that she would give me her respect and finally believe that I’m not doing this for Mohammed. She told me to go, clear my mind, decide what I really want for my life, and find what really makes me happy. So far, this had been happening, but to her dismay, it was the exact opposite effect that she wanted. 

So I was off to Rome to visit my dear cousin. She was a bit of a wild child so I wasn’t sure how it would go. Earlier, I made a sincere prayer that if I noticed God was opening the doors for me, I would not hesitate to walk through them. I intended to tell my cousin of my newfound passion and my plans to wear the scarf. I am so overjoyed to say that when you do something sincerely for God that normally would’ve been horrifying, that you’d never have the courage to do, He somehow makes it so easy for you, like a breath of fresh air. He removed this burden from me the instant I put my trust in Him. I expected my cousin to be very tough with me regarding my decision to be a Muslim. I anticipated that she would reprimand me for letting a guy brainwash me this much and encourage my independence from all of this. Instead, to my surprise the conversation went much differently. I told her, I have to tell you something. She said, Ok what is it? So I continued, I want to wear the Islamic headscarf. All the time? She asked. Yes. In fact, I was planning to just put it on, on the plane and return home wearing it. She really shocked me when she replied, why don’t you just start wearing it now? I mean if it’s really what you want, why would you wait ‘till you go home. This left me quite beside myself. I took her advice and put it on that very afternoon. 

Being a ‘ninja’ in Rome was a unique experience. My cousin had remarked that I was definitely the first scarf-wearing, English-speaking young woman Rome will have ever seen. There were some uncomfortable situations, but nothing beats when you’re in a huge tourist venue, like the Vatican and you spot the one other woman in the crowd wearing hijab and a comforting smile is exchanged between you, knowing that you are the only two out of thousands who look this way here. There were also encounters with people who were so encouraging and uplifting that I could swear they were angels sent to ease my way on a road never travelled before. You’d be surprised how many unexpected people really do appreciate the hijab and have a deep, immense respect for dignified women who choose to cover themselves. 

I can never stress enough how amazingly helpful it is to have even one family member give you moral support. From the moment my cousin showed me that she would stand behind my decisions, I felt that even if it would just be her and nobody else in the universe, that it was truly a gift from God and that I would be more than fine. All I needed to know was that Allah Himself was with me, and He showed that to me through many intricate ways. 

Still, I worried about what my family would say or think, particularly since I had always judged myself through the eyes of others, but this trend, by Allah’s mercy, didn’t end with my cousin. To my astonishment, people that I expected to react the worst, ended up showing me the most love and open-mindedness. Even in Italy I received compliments and blessings of encouragement from people who I could only describe as angels. 

Coming to terms with all that had been happening within myself, I realized it wasn’t going to be a passing thing, like everyone thought. Instead of moving away from Islam, I was steadily heading straight into the depths of it. Contrary to what I considered as a possibility, I knew I wasn’t ever turning back. And this trip was a necessary step to allow my soul to truly learn that. I felt it was necessary since this important change in my life occurred, to touch base with my life back at home, so I called my producer, who was also the leader of my band. Since we had many important shows to play soon after my arrival in Canada, I found it only fair to give him notice. I gathered myself, and made the phone call, and told him, with some difficulty that I had begun to observe Islamic dress and that my life would be taking a new direction from now on. My heart was beating so hard, I thought he might hear it. I expressed my apologies for the unexpected news, and explained it would be best if he found a new lead singer. He was definitely taken back by this news, as would anyone that knew me. Singing was my life; what could have possibly inspired such a change of interests in me? I don’t really expect anyone to understand why I would want to give it up, I just know in my heart where I would be right now if I hadn’t made that decision. 

Contrary to what he promised, it seemed my producer had spilled the news to my mother who in turn spread it to everyone else in my life. She had not taken it well. Her husband told me that she had been crying and very sick for 3 days since she found out. It is very difficult to see people hurt so much when you know that there is nothing to be upset about at all. Where you see peace and guidance, they see ugliness and nonsense. But this is expected since the Holy Quran attests to this fact. The more guided one is to the spiritual life, the more those immersed in the worldly life will mock at you and think you’re crazy. In there eyes, you have gone off the deep end, but in your heart, you have a certainty that can never be shaken. Anyhow, she made clear to me that I was no longer welcomed in her life if I chose to dress this way. She forbade me from even nearing the street where our business was and assured me that I was about to lose my entire family over this, so I better be really happy with what I’m doing. 

When I look at the big picture, I find that this whole trip was a mercy from God and that He used this event in my life to guide me. When I left, I was a different person. Sure, I had said the Shahada and meant it, but there was so much missing in my life and also, so much negative influence. The things I was doing, the places I went and the people I surrounded myself with were of no benefit to my true discovery of what Islam has to offer. I was involved in many haram situations and most of the time, it never struck me as something that I needed to change. 

I noticed a phenomenon that I later realized affects many people. I started off as a new convert, with an open heart and so much to learn. But then time went by in which I didn’t progress because I was too caught up in the life of this world and ignoring all that I had so recently been guided to. What happens is you let one small thing slide by without instructing yourself against it and you think God couldn’t possibly put me in hell for this. Things are made to be fair-seeming to you, but soon enough that one thing grows into another small thing, which eventually spreads like a virus and soon enough, you find that you don’t even recognize yourself anymore because you’ve come so far from where you were, not too long ago. I’m so lucky that I broke out of this pattern, maybe as a result of some people’s prayers for me, but if I can tell of one thing that I learned from this trip, it was that you have to always move forward in your faith and you can’t ignore the things that Allah has put here for us for our benefit. We must read the Quran everyday. Not to would be a shame and a crime against ourselves. If we don’t worry about the little things, they will eventually defeat us and our standing still in Islam will eventually lead us to move backwards. This is the greatest atrocity because with a faith as perfect as this, there is no reason to let yourself move backwards. Also, the people we surround ourselves with are paramount to our spiritual growth and moral development. If we call ourselves Muslims and lead our lives like the average kafir, how can we expect Allah to look favourably upon us when we need Him? The thing is, He will have mercy on us when we’re in need anyway, even if we don’t deserve it, as I have demonstrated in my story today, so we owe it to Him and to ourselves to pay some attention to that certain man of history (saw) that brought us this message of truth and also, the man of the moment (atfs) who continually sees it through to it’s inevitable fruition. 

My journey to Islam
 
بسم الله الرحمان الرحیم
السلام علیکم ورحمة الله وبرکاته


Bismillah ar-Rahman ar-Rahim
as-Salaamon 'Alaikom wa Rahmatollahi wa Barakatoh!

My real name is Greg(ory) Sowden. I reverted to Islam from the Roman Catholic church on December 15, 2001 (Ramadhan 29, 1422). I have chosen the Muslim name Ali Mahdi. I'm 20 years old. My birthday is July 26, 1985. When I’m done my BA, I’d like to go to Qom al-Moqaddas (Islamic Republic of Iran) and study at the Hawzah (seminary) there.

I go to Wilfrid Laurier University in Waterloo, Ontario, Canada. My family lives between Port Dover and Simcoe in Ontario, Canada on a 400-acre poultry/beef cattle farm. Port Dover is on Lake Erie. I'm interested in geography (countries), world history, world events (especially those in Iraq, Iran, Lebanon, Occupied Hejaz [“Saudi” Arabia], and Occupied Palestine) and (Shi'ah) Islam.

I bear witness that there is no god worthy of worship but Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful and that Mohammad is His final Prophet and Messenger and Ali ibn Abi Taleb is his rightful successor until the Day of Judgement!

I am a revert to Islam! al-Hamdolellah!

I will tell you about my life...

My family is Roman Catholic. Before I became Muslim I went to church every week and never questioned my beliefs. I was a "devote" Catholic. Although now I see that I just followed it blindly and didn't question it, because I didn't know there was an alternative because of the sheltered way I was raised and the environment I grew up in. Whenever I heard someone say something wrong about Catholicism I would try to prove them wrong. But I gradually became dissatisfied with Catholicism, and questioned some aspects of the religion, especially after learning more and more about Islam. Unlike Catholicism, Islam is pure monotheism and has no aspects of paganism at all. I feel now that I was always a monotheist, as I never prayed to Jesus or Mary as many Catholics do, but directly to God.

Unfortunately, my family isn’t supportive at all. When I became a Muslim, my mum said told me that I’m not the "right religion" anymore. She keeps telling me I was happy with my religion before, so, she wonders, why did I change? I became a Muslim because I found out about Islam and became very interested. I became convinced that al-Islam is the true faith sent down by God. By learning more and more everyday about my faith I have "fell in love" with Islam. This is not the blind faith I had when I was Catholic, but a true deep and abiding faith in Islam. Islam is a way of life and affects each and every part of my day. Catholicism was more of a “once a week” thing.

My e-friend from Kuwait, who I met from www.PenPal.net in 2000 introduced me to Islam. I knew very little about Islam before he began to teach me (mostly things I had heard on television), so I guess he "opened my eyes" to Islam: the truth!

I never thought about reverting to Islam at first. I thought that I was “happy” being Catholic. But then I started taking a course at high school called "World Religions" and in my textbook it had some information about Jesus (AS) in Islam. So, I went home and looked this topic up on the Internet. The information I found sounded convinced me that what Islam said was the truth. The arguments were good. And there was proof of it in the Bible! I found information about the miracles of Islam and those in the Qor’an. I read a few more articles and books about Islam and they "enlightened" me. I wanted to “revert” to Islam, but I didn’t know how I could do this, living in a small “WASP” (White Anglo-Saxon Protestant) town where not a single Muslim lived.

So I emailed my Kuwaiti friend and told him about my findings. I told him that "maybe I should revert after learning some more about Islam." I didn't plan on doing it soon. I thought I would revert after I turned 18 because I couldn't get to a Masjed/Hosainiyah and because of my family. I told my Kuwaiti friend this and he said I could say the Shahadah to him. So on December 15, 2001 (Ramadhan 29, 1422) I said the Shahadah to him over MSN Messenger (I have said it to some other Muslim friends since then as well). By saying those wonderful words I became a Muslim! al-Hamdolellah! All Praise be to God!

My other e-friend sent me a Qor’an in the mail in January 2002, and it is the most beautiful book I have ever read. I’ve taught myself a lot of information on Islam over the few years I’ve been a Muslim. I love to learn, and am always seeking new information and ways to improve my iman and taqwa.

I became Muslim because the religion makes so much more sense than Christianity and I feel much more spiritual as a Muslim than I ever did as a Catholic. Islam has a clearly set out lifestyle, which I find very comfortable following. Some people may say following Islam is hard with all the rules forbidding this and that, but if you understand the reasons for these laws, you are comfortable following them. This life (donya) is a test for the real life in Heaven. I did not blindly revert, although I didn’t know Islam in depth at the time of my reversion. I learned much more after I reverted than I learnt before. Nabi Mohammad (S) is mentioned in the Bible, and the arguments refuting Christian teachings were so compelling. The Qor’an has so many miracles in it, and it obviously was written by God and not by humans!


My family is against my conversion although they aren't as "harsh" about it as they once were. But they do not know what Islam is, and I don't blame them with all the misinformation they hear on the news. I have tried to teach them but they do not care and criticize me! Before I left for university my mum made me go to church every week. I wanted to go to a Masjed/Hosainiyah, but I lived in a small town where there is no Islamic Centre near me and I couldn't drive to the city to go to one. al-Hamdolellah, I can now go to the Kitchener-Waterloo Hosainiyah.


On Wednesday, September 10, 2003, I went to the Hosainiyah for the first time, al-Hamdolellah! I went with Brother Hasnein (who I know from ShiaChat.com). He and I are going to university in Waterloo, Ontario. He goes to University of Waterloo, and I go to Wilfrid Laurier University; which are about a 15 minute walk apart. We went for the Birthday of Imam Ali (AS). We took the bus there and we kind of got lost walking down the street because the Hosainiyah is in the middle of a residential area. Then we saw a woman in hejab going into the Hosainiyah and so we went in. We got there late but we caught most of the khotbah, which was in English. I didn't understand some of the ‘Arabic used at the Hosainiyah but I caught a few phrases. I’ve learned much of the ‘Arabic over the three years I’ve been going now! After that, we did Maghreb and Isha' prayers. That was the first time I have prayed with other Muslims, and it was a wonderful experience. al-Hamdolellah! After that Hasnein introduced me to a few people, and we talked for a few minutes. And we had ice cream and chocolate bars. Then it was time to back to university. Shaikh Saleem drove Hasnein and I home and showed us a few Halaal/Muslim places in town. Since then I have gone to every Hosainiyah event that I can go. I thank Allah (SWT) that my Hosainiyah has accepted me as a member of their community, and has done so much to help me.

Since I have become a Muslim, I have made many good Muslim friends both in person and online. They are there for me when I have questions and when I need prayers.

I am proud that I have found the true path - Shi'ah Islam. I know that following the Ahl al-Bait (AS) of the Prophet Mohammad (S) is what Allah wants all of us to do.

If you have any questions please contact me.

Fi Amaan Allah,
Ali

Why God made me different, Sister Umm Ahmed 

Salaam brothers and sisters,

I have a lengthy story posted somewhere, but since it is long and drama filled, I wanted to shorten it. So heres my story:

All my life I have felt as if I was different than everyone around me. Like I belonged in a different place, a different time, on a different path.  I don't know where this came from.  It was something I was born with, something innate. In childhood I was able to ignore it, but as I grew older the feeling only got stronger. The teenage years can be a tough time, especially if you don't fit in. I dont believe there is a time in a person's life when the pressure to conform is greater. During this time I felt isolated and alone. I distanced myself from everyone and fell into a deep depression. Not just the blues, it was bad. I was hospitalized several times for suicide attempts during the three years I spent in a fog.

Growing up my family wasn't too religious. Officially we were Catholic, but never went to church. During the time I was depressed I made an effort to find God. I believed he was my only hope. My dad was more than happy to take me to Church with him every sunday. We went for about a month and although it wasnt a bad experience, it didn't give me what I was looking for. I didn't feel any closer to God, and I was confused by the Catholic doctrine. Confounded, and still in the grips of depression, I decided that either God must hate me or the there is no God at all. And sadly, I started believing the latter after a while.

Alhamdolillah, I pulled out of my depression junior year of HS. I finally made some friends, and was doing very well in school. In the back of my mind I still had the feeling of being different, but I suppressed it. I didnt want to deal with it anymore. And as for God? I could have cared less. Ignorance was bliss I guess. After graduating HS I did what most Americans in my position did and went to college. Not because I wanted to, but because I was expected to.  I don't think I had a particularly bad time the first year, I was just extremely bored with the whole thing.  I thought "there has to be more to life than this." As always, I had trouble making freinds and connecting with people. So most of the time was spent alone in my dorm room. I felt out of place. I didnt smoke, drink, or act badly. Guys were interested in me, but I just didnt care.  I never had a boyfriend.

My path to change started in the summer of 2004, when I met my now-husband, through a mutual friend of ours. We spent over a month talking on the phone before deciding to meet and get married. Sounds weird to get married to someone you hardly know, but it seemed natural for the both of us.  I will spare you the rest of our cutsey love story. (On a side note: At that time I had started believing in God again. I guess I had gotten over my ignorance) Anyway, while with my husband, a Muslim from Iraq, I noticed the immense peace that devotion to Allah had given him. Being someone with a very open mind, I wanted to learn more. I asked him a million questions, which he was more than happy to answer. But since he wanted to make sure I was getting the exact information, he encouraged me to do some reading, which I did. 

After reading the first article on Islam, I was blown away. It was as if I was hit by a train. Here was something so pure and simple yet so deeply profound.  It was logical, and made sense. It was perfect in everyway. It fit my pre-concieved notion of what a religion should be. From that moment on, I read non-stop, day and night. After a month or so I told my husband I wanted to convert. And on November 15th, 2004, I said the Shahada and was Muslim.

Looking back, I knew why I was different from those around me. It was because I was meant for something different, something greater. Allah made me different for a reason.  Everyday I thank Him for this. And as a Muslim, I dont feel lost and alone anymore. I finally feel as though I belong.

Writing this has actually made me weepy with love for my creator, Allah.

ALLAHU AKBAR ALLAHU AKBAR ALLAHU AKBAR!!

The Spiritual Resurrection of a Lost Youth.

Bismillah ar-Rahman ar-Raheem,

Asalaamu Alaikum W/r W/b,

My name is Brother Yahya Hayder Seymour and the following is my conversion story to the path of Islam and eventually the Path of the Ahlul Bayt (as).

(Note my story is online on other websites, yet this is the most HONEST account of things, before I was embarassed of my past and so Sugar coated things).

I was born in the Philippines (Sean Andrew Seymour) in 1987 to a Scottish Father and a Filipina Mother, by definition making me a Mixed Race child or "half cast" as I would be called by some of my peers at a later age. My Parents split up whilst I was very young and unfortunately it was before I had even turned the age of 1 year. Therefore my Mother was forced to raise my older brother (3 at the time) and myself (around 9 months) at the time. My Mother did her best to raise us, despite the fact she was in a country alien to her (Britain so we could get a good education), and one that was rather hostile towards people who were different or foreign due to the fact it was not really all that diverse at the time.

Anyways I was always a brighter child and my arrogance, and mastery of the english language didn't really help channel this in a good direction, and I became one of those kids who was really really cheeky to anyone in authority such as Teachers etc, etc. Being from the Philippines, I was technically a Roman Catholic and to be honest I did believe in God, but not in any particular Dogma, I believed that God was one, not in a pantheonistic view or anything like that. Although I did have an interest in the different types of religions that history and locations have produced, and was always reading into Religion, Myths and Legends. Although at the age of 13-14, I started hanging around with the wrong people, and I guess this was due to the fact I wanted to belong to a crew and get attention. So I became one of those kids who is from a respectable Middle-Class background, who acted like they were from a ghetto, and such like. I started smoking cigarettes at the age of 14, and started Binge drinking at 14 also. Unfortunately this reflected on my school grades and I started dropping to the Middle and Bottom Classes in terms of School performance and I went on to recieve many a detention after school due to my very immature attitude towards life. So at this age, my guidance teacher went on to suggest that I do a personal project as a punishment, which would take me 2 months and would look into my Filipino Heritage etc, etc. This project was to prove, very interesting as it would go onto to introduce me to the religion of Islam, perhaps the world's only major faith I hadn't come across for some strange reason.

History prove that my ancestors were Muslim before the arrival of the spaniards in the Philippines who would go on to convert (through violent means) the North of the Country and the majority at that. However this didn't really persuade me to look into Islam deeply or convert, that would come later.

After reading a lot, so my project would go well. I started reading into World History and Politics as a Hobby, something I could have never pictured myself doing but well, did anyways and thoroughly enjoyed it. I decided my life had become a nightmare and if I didn't get a grip, it would be the end of my life soon as I would leave with no basic qualifications and wouldn't have the ability to get the advanced ones and would therefore fail in life. So I turned to the religion that my Parents were supposed to adher to, I decided I should look heavily into Catholicism and start practicing. However the doctrine of the trinity as well as Original Sin, was to hold me back from pursuing anything more than a light interest in the religion, I was also put off the clear fallibility of the Papal Authorities, who were said to be God's Representatives on Earth and so Subsequently left any ideas of becoming a Good Catholic behind me.

I will avoid every single detail, but whilst in Egypt visiting my Father the previous year, I was given an English Translation of the Qur'an and after deciding to pick it up and actually take time to read it, I realised how amazing this book really was. Especially in that It had all the Prophets I was familiar with, as well as Jesus who had a more logical role in this religion. I also felt the book, placed God in a lot higher position (the position he deserves) compared to the way the Old Testament describes the Nature of God.

So after around a year of researching I converted to the deen of al-Islam at the young age of 15/16 (it was around late 15/early 16) I became a staunch muslim and began engulfing myself in the study of the religion believing that I would spread the word of Islam throughout my nation, and would try and be the "shining example to those in the darkness" (as described my Malcolm X in his autobiography). I became deeply involved in my local community and at the time was following the Najdi path of Islam (often referred to as the Salafi or Wahabi sect of Islam), which unfortunately is rather intolerant and belittles the status of the Prophet and his Family (PBUTA) and elevate the status of those who had the pleasure of being in the company of the Prophet, whether or not they deserved it, to the level of Infallibility. The Salafis are however extremely organised and understand the needs of communities and how to get the youth active vey easily. 

Anyways, the final part of my spiritual development came at the age of 17, when I decided that it was fairly evident through our own hadith books (as in those of the Sunnis) that the Shia school of thought, was the most accurate and that the status of the Ahlul Bayt (as) and their role in safeguarding the religion and that there had been a constant devoid of love for the Prophet's family, going all the way back to the Prophet's Death and the event of Saqifa. The Hadith relating to the tragedy of Thursday was the final nail in the coffin for me though, it proved the arrogance of certain "Sahaba" regarding their status and how they would belittle our beloved Prophet (SAW). It is impossible for anyone who researches the Ahlul Bayt and their prophesies to doubt their status within the religion, the Iranian Revolution and the foundations of the Islamic Republic were prophecized and as was the importance that the city of Qom will go on to play.

I realised that History is always written by the Tyrants, and yet we have allowed the religion of Islam to be dilluted and corrupted by the filth of society. Bani Ummaya were the enemies of the Prophet during his lifetime and yet shortly after his death, an entire dynasty of Ummayeds were left to safeguard and rule over the Ummah, how could this make sense? So I chose to accept the Wilayah of the Ahlul Bayt and Pledge Bayyat to Imam Mahdi (May Allah Hasten his reappearance). I chose to follow Taqlid of Imam Khamenei, agreeing entirely with Wilayah-e-Faqih.

Now I am studying at University in Scotland and Insha Allah will go onto Hawza after this Insha Allah.

Brother Yahya

A leap of faith, Abu Hadi

My journey toward Islam started out about 30 blocks from the Pacific ocean in Long Beach, California. My parents divorced when I was 4 years old and , shortly after, my father moved to another city and left me, my twin brother and my younger sister alone to be raised by my mother. My mother worked hard and tried to pay the bills, but she was a single mother with no education or job experience and was forced to take very low paying jobs. Eventually, she couldn't keep up anymore and we ended up moving in with my grandparents.

All I remember about my mother and father together is the constant fighting, yelling, screaming, followed by long periods of awkward silence. My father was a pot smoking hippie surfer who probably thought children were an inconvieniece. My mother was from a Republican Conservative Christian (Lutheren) family, and she was completely the opposite of my father in almost every other way. My mother became active in the political anti-war movement in the early 70's although she never bought into the whole hippie lifestyle. I'm not quite sure why they ever got together in the first place.

To deal with the constant fighting, I retreated into my own world. I would constantly surrond myself with music to drowned out the fighting. My father had an incredible record collection of what they now call 'Classic Rock' (Dylan, the Stones, the